Taking Big Leaps: Saying Yes To Life & To A Marriage Proposal. Plus: I Got Perks For Ya.
A Free Workshop with Gay Hendricks For Paid Proof Of Lifers; Art for A Cause, & Sharing About My Engagement, Finally.
Hi Proof Of Lifers,
As promised, there will be perks.
Every time I write that I think of that movie There Will Be Blood. There will not be blood. My first offering for paid subscribers is a conversation/workshop with THE Gay Hendricks.
His book The Big Leap changed the entire course of my life and got me to buy my house in Ojai. More on that in the workshop and my next book (out next Spring.)
Gay’s latest book is Your Big Leap Year, and holy cups of coffee, you will have your life expand with it. If you’d like to get the book before the workshop, I highly recommend it. You’ll want to ask him ALL THE THINGS. He is also hilarious, folks.
I will do workshops with guests and other shenanigans for paid Proof of Lifers. Perhaps consider upgrading if you haven’t. Or, if you are in the mood to pay it forward, gift or donate a subscription.
I will be hosting it from London (leaving Monday to be with my fiancé -more on that below- and to host an in-person workshop March 23. (If you are near London, join me for an afternoon of creativity, connection and community!)
It’ll be on zoom. March 17th at 10 am pst/1 p est. If you miss the live, it’ll be recorded. Paid POLers will get the link and again a couple days before. (Not to be shared, pretty please.)
Many gathered I got engaged. I’ve been wearing a ring and calling him fiancé. You know, kind of classic giveaways.
I posted this on Instagram but many of you are smart enough to not be on social media so here ya go:
It happened last June, in Florence, while we were there for the Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning premiere. (He is fantastic in it, by the way.)
Heartsight
I didn’t share until it felt right. I listened to my heartsight (read about that in my last essay.)
Life is complicated and it felt private.
Check out the purple hear behind my head in the video! We didn’t notice it until someone on Instagram did. I randomly sat in that chair!
What a sign!
Heartsight, yet again.
With the tragic and sudden loss of my friend Ella’s husband, Mikal, the remaining parent for their two young girls- I’ve started to take a closer look how I’m living life and at what I’m waiting for, and why, if ever, I hold back.
What about you-community that I hold so dear- what are you waiting for?
This is not rhetorical (though you may not know at present.) Putting the question into your consciousness will shift something.
What you are waiting for? Who? Are you done with waiting, or want to be done? When/why do you hold back? Are willing to shift that pattern/tendency?
I’ve spent so much of my life waiting.
I’m done waiting and holding back. I’ve nothing to hide.
My life is mine. I get to be happy and so do you.
It’s what I mean when I say you get to have this. (To be this, say this, do this.) Despite what you’ve been led to believe.
This can mean anything (I am not talking material stuff, although they’ll often show up when we expand our beliefs and let go of our bullshit stories.)
You get to be happy. Period.
You are worthy. Period.
You need no proof to allow yourself happiness, joy, love, or ANYTHING.
You are your own proof of life.
I get to sort out the details of my private life without 1 million questions from anyone who isn’t involved. You may be curious. I always am, and that’s okay. We don’t need to know everything.
I understand the impulse to want to know details.
I can set a boundary, and we can still respect/ have love each other. Ain’t that some shit? (As my friend Stephanie Monds says.)
I love Henry in a way I didn’t know existed.
Gay and Katie Hendricks model this type of love and showed me (by how they live their lives) that it is very possible.
Do you surround yourself with people who inspire you, challenge you, lift you up, encourage you, don’t let you cling to BS stories? (I hope so. If not, this community will be that for you.)
Henry is my best friend, my love, my child’s favorite- besides his daddy- my partner in silliness, my coffee bringer, my muse, my listener, my comfort, my safe place, my HOME. My EVERYTHING.
I have no shame in saying that out loud. In the past I might have. I might have feared it would scare the person away. That I’d seem needy, weak, desperate.
God forbid someone seems needy. News flash: we are needy. We need others. We need love and attention, and yet this is sold to us as a bad thing.
So many ways we hold back or shut down or don’t express ourselves out of fear.
I am living out loud. That doesn’t mean I share everything. It means I will not hide in shame. Or fear.
That’s Shame Loss.
We were not looking; we just stumbled upon on each other, as it were. By “accident.” Thanks to my buddy Holt Mccallany. (Have you seen Holt in the film Iron Claw? It’s available to stream. He’s amazing. You may also know him from Mindhunter.)
I want to shout from rooftops that, despite everything, through all the things we had to go through (none of which we regret) - we found each other. The magic of the “universe”, if you want to call it that- led us to each other. Or, rather: our heartsight., and our willingness to remain open.
I said yes. Not just marriage, but to choosing myself. To living a wholehearted life where I get to be me, unapologetically.
You can do the same. It’s not just for others.
I want to spend my life with my Forever Person, For the rest of forever we may have left.
I’m living on my own terms. You don’t have to understand/agree. We all get to have that.
I lost a best friend who didn’t approve. And so it is.
My ex and I are friends. We are sorting out the details of our divorce and none of it is easy, but it is beautiful.
Why? Rob and I are friendly. We still do things as a family. Charlie loves Henry. It’s all love and though it’s not perfect, I’m proud of how we’ve navigated this.
Our son is THRIVING. To me, that is the most important thing.
Charlie is soon to be the age I was when my dad dropped dead. Mel The Jew (his nickname on the street corners in South Philly, where he hung with all the Italian guys.)
It was during the summer between 2nd and 3rd grade. Charlie’s age. It’s bringing up A LOT.
We are going back east for spring break. NYC first, then Jersey and Philly. I’m taking him to my dad’s grave, which I haven’t visited in years. He is in a huge Jewish cemetery in Pennsauken, NJ, and it will be interesting trying to find his grave among so many, after so long. It will be something to behold- watching my son see it for the first time. My mom designed it and it’s gorgeous.
Magic happens, love happens, life happens; often when we least expect it. We have to stay open. Remaining open is the simplest and most powerful tool to stay awake and utterly alive.
It can be hard to remain open when we’ve been hurt, or when we’re scared. But, we must. At least, I must. If you don’t want to, that’s on you. We get to live our lives true to ourselves, in the way we want (as long as were aren’t consciously hurting ourselves or others.)
So, here I am: open. Open as ever, taking big leaps.
I am so in love with my Henry, my beautiful dorky soulful actor photographer woodworker sock-donner best lover in the world best friend future husband.
I’m never gonna let Kittridge go. (His name in Mission Impossible.)
Alchemizing Pain Into Art Into Love
There’s that saying that says peace begins with me.
It’s true.
The woman in my painting is praying. For peace. I did her the other day (along with a few others) when I was overwhelmed with grief; for what’s happening in Gaza, the hostages, my friends kids who are now left orphans. All of it.
The woman in my painting is praying for everyone suffering/hurting/grieving/displaced/starving/held hostage.
She’s praying for the hostages. For the brutalized women, for displaced families, starving starving children, the maimed, grieving parents, and so many innocent people with no home any longer.
She is praying for suffering civilians, women who were raped/tortured, the babies. All the babies.
She is praying for all the people who did nothing to deserve this horrific reality.
It’s terrible all around.
It’s hard to bear witness to what humans can be capable of sometimes, isn’t it?
How can we call anyone ‘human’ who is doing such harm to people though?
It’s incomprehensible that we live in a time when these atrocities are occurring. We are not talking about the past. This is now.
Where is humanity?
I decided to sell the Peace Prayer painting and donate the funds to Ella’s two daughters, Violet and Olive. Here’s the GoFundme. Anything will help and show them they are loved.
Ella died by suicide 3 1/2 years ago. Two weeks ago the girls were in Florida with their beloved father Mikal. He died in a tragic freak riptide accident while they were there. The girls are now orphans.
Come on, life! This really did a number on me and encouraged my Don’t Wait To Live stance.
I am not talking about doing things out of fear because we might die tomorrow, but rather living from love.
Because we just never know. Nothing is guaranteed. We know this but we seem to forget.
Stop waiting.
I auctioned the painting. An incredible human named Lynette Howell Taylor won. It went for $2k. I sent it all to the Gofundme.
Collective action is just so beautiful to me. It’s the I Got You Effect!
Ella wanted peace so badly and couldn’t find it. Boy, did she try. Here: read some of her essays. Get tissues. Oh, and this one too. Brace yourself.
I want peace for her girls. For all people that are suffering right now. For you, too. All of us.
Let me know if you want to bid on any of the paintings below. My email is jenniferpastiloffinfo@gmail.com.
You can see more on my art Instagram at @jenpastiloffart_
I will post a note tomorrow for I Got You Fridays, where we share how we can be supported and where we lift someone else up.
What support could you use, what do you want to share, who do you want to lift up?
I’ll write from London, if not before. If you haven’t introduced yourself yet, or joined the chat- do. Can’t wait to see you at Gay’s or in London or at my next Ojai retreat May 24-27. Email to apply. Italy Sep 14-21 has 2 spots left.
We are waiting for YOU. We got you. Welcome, weirdo.